One of the few times when I would scream like a little girl ^_^



Hahaha...so cute! I mean the doll, not the chick...but she's cute too ^_^ So...anyone for Angel dolls? I think they're selling them on Amazon somewhere...

TTFN.

After that walk and a good night's sleep yesterday, I came to one decision: I think it's time for me to return to the old me again. It seems that there's no real point for me to continue on doing what I've been doing for the past couple of months and I'm starting to get a little tired of human interaction anyways.

At last, peace. No need to worry about others and no need to bother caring about them. The shell is quite dusty at the moment but a little bit of cleaning will take care of that. It's good to be back away from people again.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye. The severance of all ties shall commence and already did.

TTFN.

I feel like taking a nice, long walk in the night again. Never mind that's it raining right now as I type out this post or the fact that almost every shop will be closed right now. It does my mind a lot of good and it serves as a reminder of what's going to happen to me, later in the future.

My thoughts are a little troubled right now, although I don't think it's anyway near Nanda's state right now (otherwise I won't be writing this down). But I do believe that things are going to get worse and that the looming war in the horizon is going to start once more.

*sigh* Maybe I should just go back to being alone again. That way I don't have to bother with what other people are doing and I can just go back to being plain, old boring me. It sounds so much better that way, don't you think?

TTFN.

Had another weird dream this afternoon when I was having my preparatory sleep for tonight's game (Liverpool vs. Chelsea, who's gonna win, I couldn't care less man ^_^ as long as the Wolves get back into the Premiership next season). Guess that's what happens when you're me.

Okay...let's see if I can remember as much of it so that I can write it down here. You know, at this rate, this blog is going to become a dream journal as well, and we all know how much people hate reading other people's dreams, unless it's a wet dream. But then again, it might be good to just write it down just in case a shrink happens to read this (yeah right).

I dreamt that...I dreamt that I was married, with two kids. One was a boy, the other was a girl. I didn't have to know what their names are, because I already know what I'll be naming my kids if I do get any. He was Roland, she was Rena.

In this dream, I was playing with my kids in the house garden (whose house was it? Mine? I think so. It definitely felt like mine) and we were having the time of our lives. And then, I heard a voice call out to me and I turn around and I see...someone. I think she was my wife. Only problem is, I couldn't see her face (so if you guys are thinking that I dreaming about someone in particular, I don't really think so...but maybe it is. Who knows?).

But dreams being dreams, her facelessness doesn't bother me because I remember thinking, there goes the loveliest woman that God ever created under the sky, before I walk towards her. It gets a little hazy here (my memory, that is) and then the four of us are sitting at a table, eating dinner (or maybe lunch) and we were talking and laughing and what not.

Then everything is fast forwarded again, and it's night this time, and the kids are asleep, after both me and my dream wife has tucked them to sleep. I smiled at her, and I think she smiled back (although it's pretty hard to tell, since I can't really see her face). We went outside and the night sky was filled with stars all over it. It was the picture of extreme beauty, more so with the loveliest woman by my side.

And I think that she wanted me to do something for her...I think she wanted me to make love to her. But I didn't want to, because I was just content to just sit down and watch the stars with her by my side. So she gave me a kick in the nuts, stormed back into the house and before I could say anything, the whole house vanished.

And that was when I woke up and decided to take a leak. Another twisted tale brought to you by the inner recesses of my strange mind. What's all that suppose to mean, either through dream reading or through Freudian analysis (I can imagine the latter going something like "You need to stop repressing your sexual desires and go with the flow" or some other bullshit like that), I don't know and I don't really want to know. I just want to write it down here so that I don't forget about it later. Don't ask me why, I just do.

TTFN.

I've finally finished the Dark Tower series which I started about two years back and I can only say this now that I've turned the final page and I've placed the books (seven of them) aside: "What the hell?"

Okay...I guess I was expecting something else more...I don't know...happier because to me, pulling off the whole loop-de-loop ending i.e. go back to the beginning ending, is just a little too much for me to appreciate, especially since King took 34 years to finish writing this epic of his. To me, it's just too easy a way out.

Of course, as a writer, I can understand why he did that: it allows room for the story to return to one's mind (despite what he said about retiring, the call of an old story beckoning a person to return to it is very, very enticing) but as a reader...no. I wanted to see Roland receive a definite reward for what he did, whether a good reward or a bad one, it doesn't matter. I wanted to see him reunited with all those whom he loved (and sacrificed) along the way to the Dark Tower, his Dark Tower. There's so many things that I wanted to see Roland receive (and one of them is a good kick in the ass, too) but he never got them.

Instead he went back to the start of the story, and he has to relive his purgatory again. Not much of ending if you ask me.

But that's the way the story ends, I guess...and that's how it'll stay. Long days and pleasant nights to Roland of Gilead, Eddie of New York, Susannah of New York, Jake of New York and Oy of Mid-World. There are other worlds than this.

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

TTFN.

See if any of you can guess which of the following statements is true?

1) I had a ponytail five years ago
2) I have an IQ of 140
3) My first drink was in Malacca last semester
4) I played the guitar
5) The movie I watched the most is Return of the Jedi
6) I lived in Malaysia for 23 years
7) My favourite song is Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
8) I'm a Goth
9) I was a Roman Catholic once
10) I had a poem published before

Have fun guessing. ^_^ TTFN.

Hehehe. Got RM50 from Puteri today for answering her little test in the 'ideal' way. I know Gary and Reza said that they wanted to answer in that way too but they didn't so...^_^

RM50...what to do with it? I know! Let's get stupidly drunk again tonight! And since my aunt isn't at home (well, at least not until tomorrow morning), why the hell not? ^_^

TTFN.

P.S. This message was brought to you by the happier side of me since I promised to write something less depressing and angry for the next couple of posts. ^_^

It's the end of what was technically suppose to be my midterm break. Technically because this was the week on the school's schedule where it says midterm break. By now, most of the people who are reading this blog would have realised that this was the week where the FHM Culinaire fair was held, where I had to work, got pissed off big time, made a few choice enemies, read four books (right now I'm reading the fourth one while I'm typing this post up) and frankly did nothing that could make this week resemble a midterm break.

Frankly speaking, I don't mind what happened this week, except for the getting pissed off part. I can't really recall the last time when I was so pissed that I wanted the fraghead who pissed me off to be alive (because a person can only die once). That wasn't good...

Okay, time to remake the promise which I made to myself yesterday morning and hopefully I can keep it this time...I hope ^_^

TTFN.

I know that this morning I said that I'll try not to post anything depressing or angry but unfortunately I'm going to have to break that promise right now. Why? Because I've just read the fourth edition of Shadowrun and frankly speaking, I'm not happy with it.

From the beginning, what is Shadowrun? Essentially speaking, Shadowrun is a game where the six-million dollar man meets Gandalf meets Old Man Coyote meets Fagolas. The year ranges from 2050 to 2070 depending on which edition you 've read and the world has changed, some says Awakened. Magic has returned and now stands side by side with science in the future. The internet has evolved into the Matrix (I shit you not, in the Shadowrun world, it is called the Matrix) and cybernetic implants have allowed humanity to go beyond the limits of flesh and blood.

I fell in love with the premise of this game when I first got my copy of the second ed rules in Perth back in 2000. It was simple to understand and it kicks ass. Then last year, I found a bunch of people who were playing the third ed so I joined them and I thoroughly enjoyed myself (although I was a little disturbed by one player's tendency to create a carrot launcher...).

Then I heard that they were coming up with a 4th edition of the rules where they said that they would clean up a lot of the rules and make it even simpler (which they did in 2nd ed, and which they claimed they did in 3rd ed but they managed to make it more complicated) and that even a newbie player would understand the rules.

Two words: jack and shit. And Jack just fell down the hill, chummer. First they screwed up the game world's history, by returning parts of America, which was held by the Japanese back to the Americans (it's called Americanisation by my friend) and incidentally, the Phillipines, which in this world was controlled by Japan, was also returned back to the Filipinos (do I detect a big thank you to the Philippines, who are America's favourite yes-and-no-man).

Then they plagiarised the rules from the World of Darkness system and the D6 Star Wars system. Hello? Just because the WoD uses a d10 to resolve the dice roll and the D6 Star Wars calls it Force points doesn't mean that you can use their systems and replace it with a d6 and your own cute name for it. That really pissed me off.

And here's the best part, they tried to make non-cybered mundanes on par in combat with Awakened characters and cybered up characters. For crying out loud! Those guys aren't suppose to be on par with the other two types in the first place! It doesn't make sense for a fully cybered street sam to go down to the puny meat human unless that human was a mage or a shaman or an adept. It's just not right!

*sigh* I really love this game. I really do. But when they came up with 4th ed, I was really disappointed with the changes that they made. It might have made better sense if they just left the game well alone and not make anymore new editions. 3rd ed was good enough already. Why bother tweaking the game even more?

Frag it, chummer...they got rid of the word 'decker'. That was just too much for me to handle. I'm just going to stick to 3rd ed and be happy with it.

TTFN.

I've been pretty pissed and depressed these past two weeks and so I thought maybe it's time for a change of mood. That way, I don't have to write so many depressing or disturbing posts ^_^ at least not for the time being.

Okay...where should I start? I bought two books this week, downloaded another of the net and I watched FF7AC twice. That's suppose to be good right? Maybe. We'll see. I need to check and see what kind of changes did they pull off in Shadowrun 4th ed (both in the gameworld and the rules) to see if I can be happy or pissed about it (preferably the former but already when I read the intro story, I'm going 'What the hell? They changed the game's lingo?')

*sigh* Must think happy thoughts for now. Think happy thoughts so that I can fly...happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

TTFN.

Looks like I wasn't the only one who had been shafted by those FHM numbnuts since there were apparently other students who were taken to the chopping board by them and hell...from what I heard, even Dr Rod and Zamzani were shafted by those numbnuts as well. Man...I pity those FHM twerps. They really had it coming up their ass.

I got the call of emergency from Gary today, saying that there were a lot of students who didn't turn up for today's conference so I had to go and fill in for them. *sigh* I don't mind working four days in a row without pay (hell, last time I worked 13 hours for one week, including Saturday without overtime pay and a half hour break each day and still I managed to turn up early for work the next week with no ill effects) but those FHM numbnuts are just too much. Sure, we're KDU a.k.a. Kuli Damansara Utama a.k.a. Kilang Damansara Utama but the doesn't mean you can treat us like ignorant bastards with a severe case of fawning over every big event company that comes with a silver coin at our doorstep.

Anyways, from what I heard, there was a big argument where in the end the school threatened to walk away from the function and leave them high and dry. And with KDU being the sole, I repeat sole as in only 'company' that is running the FHM function, I would love to see those numbnuts run the last two days of the function on their own. It would be like...a slice of heaven...

Of course, we could always do what I did yesterday i.e. flip the emcee the finger, tell him to go and suck his own cock and storm right out of the place (okay...I didn't do first part...nor did I do the second part but I did tell him to fuck off and I did storm out of the place). That would be equally as cool (imagine the mass exodus of blue blazers and white kitchen uniform...Moses, you've met your match).

So today they treated us much better and I kept my distance from the emcee. Unfortunately for me, he was still the emcee and I had to listen to that fragger's Kopitiam voice on the mike. I'm getting sick and tired of listening to that guy's voice every damn day...and of course, if I have to listen to another Crazy Frog song, I'm going to go nuts and I'll grab a chainsaw and cut off my hand and attach the chainsaw to my severed wrist and I'll say "Hail to the king, baby" before I sally forth and begin the grand head loping session that I've always wanted to do.

TTFN.

P.S. What is a numbnut? A numbnut is a person whose nuts in his head is numb because he doesn't use it at all and the nuts between his legs are numb because he uses them too much.

There's nothing in this world more wonderful than pain. It lets us know that we're alive in case we get into a serious accident, it makes for a wonderful de/motivator at times (ever had your mom cane you for losing that pair of Reebok Pumps?) and it makes a person feel satisfied to know that his victim is in a lot of pain.

There are more than a hundred ways to make a person feel pain (which also includes mental and emotional pain). The most basic way to hurt a person is through their hair. Plucking out one strand of hair from any part of your body, be it from the top of your head (or side if you happen to be an old fart), nostrils or pubic hair, is an exquisitely painful sensation that most people would not want to repeat in a hurry.

Other ways to inflict pain would be through the fingers and toes, which also includes the fingernails and toenails. The sheer pain of ripping out a nail or piercing one's finger tips is a delightfully fiendish torture method which can create the shrillest shriek a human can evoke from his/her lungs.

Other body parts are more obvious, such as the genitals, the eyes, the ears, the nipples, etc and so thus I would not choose to discuss them any further, save to savour the delightful taste of pain that I would like to inflict on someone...

TTFN.

It's the first day of work for me in the KLCC Culinairy Fair and already I'm famous for being that fucked-up gay/perverted/horny photographer by my juniors. Hahaha...I think...

Okay...what happened was is this: yesterday, Reza picked me to be the official photographer for Grapevine a.k.a. official photographer of the school and his assignment to me was: take as many photos as I can of all the KDU students and lecturers so that we can look through them and pick out the best ones to be used.

Fine with me, since I enjoy taking candid shots ^_^ but not fine with the rest of the kids since they had no idea what the hell is going on and so now my notoriety score has risen about sevenfold...Oh well...

Time for me to wait until midnight before I start to get drunk again like last night ^_^ TTFN.

I've been doing quite a lot of this recently, since the moment I stopped doing some kind of work or nonsense, I start to get depressed. So I just throw myself into whatever that I could get my hands on doing, just to keep myself occupied and to stop me from thinking.

It works wonders of course, since subliminating is a sub-discipline of the one skill which I know I'm really good at: running away. I work, shove my mind into hibernation and I don't have to worry too much anymore ^_^

Of course, the problem is that the problem is still there...Oh well, best to just take one step at a time instead of worrying about it I guess ^_^ Now...onto to more subliminating!

TTFN.

At last...at long last...I finally get to watch the damn movie...and I don't know what to say.

Okay...it's been three years since Square-Enix first announced that they were going to produce a Final Fantasy 7 movie and that it would take place after the game. Needless to say, I had a geek orgasm right after I found out about it and so began my long, long anticipation of that movie.

So...it took them three years to make the movie (the final year was what I call the delay year, where the release date was pushed back date after date after date until they finally decided that it was pointless to make a release date announcement, so they decided to shut up) and now that I finally watched it...I can't seem to find the right words to say.

Okay...let's do a Sister Maria over here shall we? For those of you who don't know, Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children takes place 2 years after the end of the game. Everything is back to normal, the world has moved on from the near-meteor crash that nearly destroyed it. But a new plague has struck the recovering world and the hardest to be hit are the children.

The main character from the game, Cloud Strife has become a Fed-Ex boy (seriously, he did) but he doesn't seem to be doing much delivering and he's doing his usual moping around that he did a lot of back in the game. Then one day, he gets a call on his Sony-Eriksson (do I detect product placement over here? ^_^) that he's got a special 'delivery' to take care of and everything starts from there.

Suffice to say, everything from there onwards is pretty much predictable i.e. he fights bad guys, bad guys kick butt at first, other characters from the game come in and help him to kick butt, then he gets a chance to fly and kick one hell of a butt. Nothing much to say about the storyline because it's your typical anime storyline and that's the one part I really don't like about the movie. After that grand epic story which the game gave us, I get this? True, the game took about 40+ hours to tell us the story but still? C'mon, you can do better than that, now can't you?

But oh...the fight scenes were beautifully rendered. Fans of anime, the Matrix and wuxia movies (especially those who watched Seven Swords...you think the guy with the scissors sword was cool? Watch Cloud in action) would definitely enjoy this movie. Super jumps dominate each battle sequence and the speed is a little too fast to catch a la Van Helsing but each fight lasts at least seven minutes (and that's not even the last fight), more than enough for the adrenaline to pump throughout the entire body.

But...there's always a but isn't there? They never did resolve the love triangle that they started in the game, now did they? Who does Cloud love? Who knows. Not even the game designers knows. I guess that's part of the appeal of FF7 that makes it so special. Maybe he loved both of them equally as much. One, he was attracted to during the game and the other was the reason why he became what he is in the present. Who can say which one holds the greater portion of his heart? Of course, the movie leans more in one direction but I think that overall it still remained fairly neutral towards the triangle.

In the end, what is Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children all about? The cynical part of me would answer that it's just a cheap scam from Square-Enix to drain the cash out of their fans and stuff it into their over-flowing pockets (and the best part is, I'm probably right about this ^_^). The fan part of me is still craving for the Answer to the Ultimate question.

But that'll have to wait for another day, now won't it?

TTFN.

Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. Ecclesiates 1:1 (KJV)

Vanity...oh yeah...definitely. Everything that we do is vanity...all that we do is in vain. Why? Because everything is doomed to death, whether it's death as in all living things die, death as in all that we do finally comes to an end, or whatever. Everything, not some, not all, not everything except for, everything is done in vain.

Because of death. If there is no death, in which case, everything is meaningless. Because then we'll just keep on doing whatever that we want without stopping, without purpose...without meaning, because everything is just done in order to keep us from being bored...but I digress.

Why does death make everything in vain? Let's take Malaysia's favourite example of a poor boy who lives in the slums of a dilapitated village. He struggles to survive everyday and one day he decides that in order to make life better, he must get out of this village. So he studies hard. Gets his 12A's in his SPM. Goes to university. Becomes a doctor. Becomes rich. Never forgets his past and decides to contributes towards the development of his village. Gets married. Have three kids. Continues to contribute towards the wellfare of the society. Yada yada yada. Then he dies.

So what if he dies? He's led a good life and everyone respected him. So what? One, he was rich but now what good can money do for him now that he's dead? Get him a bed as a coffin? Fat lot of good that'll do, since he's dead and can't feel a thing anymore.

Two, he's dead and soon he'll be forgotten. Everyone will be forgotten eventually, even the so-called pillars of society. Out of mind, out of sight. The Amerindians have a saying that everyone will live as long as they are remembered. So our good friend lives a little longer than usual because he's a pillar of society. Big deal. How many of us can really say that we remember all those philantrophists who contributed towards society? Even if we do, are we actually going to pass down that knowledge to our kids? And even if we do do that, what's to guarantee that our kids will pass that knowledge down to their kids and so on and so forth?

Three...some say that's an afterlife, some say there isn't. Let's go with the second one for now, so that I don't have to touch on the headaches that metaphysics creates...yet. If there's no afterlife, then there's no heavenly reward for what he does. Since God does not exist in this second possibility, doing good is one of the most pointless thing to do. Might as well live like animals, at least we get to enjoy ourselves before we die.

Back to the first possibility...who knows which version of the afterlife is right. There's so many religions around the world (not including the dead ones), that the afterlife story is so tangled up. And most religion demand that we adher to one. Stick to one, and we're doomed to eternal damnation in another. So, in the one in a thousand chance that our friend in the example picked the right religion, then his life has some value after all. But in the 999 in a thousand chance that he got it wrong, he finds himself in hell, suffering eternal damnation for picking the wrong belief. All that he did was in vain...

So why bother? Why even bother doing things? Might as well just lie around and wait for death to come and pick us out one at a time? Hell...why do I even bother writing this?

TTFN.

There is nothing more foolish than a boy who thinks he's in love, for when he starts to think that, he begins to do all sorts of foolish things. Like declare to the world that he loves someone, or tell others that he thinks that he's in love. I hate that kind of fool...and so therefore, I hate myself most of all.

There is no bigger fool than a boy who thinks he's in love, for then he thinks that all's well that ends well. All he has to do be in love with the right person and everything will be all red roses and star-lit skies...oh how I hate myself...

I wish that I were not such a fool...I wish that I could see things better. But sometimes, there are things that blocks the eyes, and keeps the right thoughts from flowing into the mind. I hate those things and most of all, I hate myself for being the fool that I am.

Other times I wish I can't feel anything, so that life can on without any hitch. Follow the same routine day in, day out, without fail, without complaint. But most of all, so that I don't have to feel what I feel right now.

I hate myself, because I am the greatest fool. That's what I always have been, that's what I always will be. And that's how it will be...until the end of time.

TTFN.

Okay...I just spent the last 48 hours downloading Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children from Limewire and what the hell did I get? Taxi...the French version too...

Stupid French people! Can't they tell the difference between Final Fantasy 7 and Daniel? One has a big sword, spiky blonde hair and rides a motorbike. The other speaks French and drives a taxi! Stupid, stupid, stupid French people!

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TTFN.

I hate this...first the main pc lags, now my second pc lags. This is getting rather boring...but not up to extent where I would agree to watch the Ashlee Simpson Show (and watch her go out on a date with Ryan Kembara? No thanks) or even watch Britney and Kevin? Argh...the insanity...

Good news? I finished downloading 57% of Advent Children! Or does this qualify as bad news? Why can't I get a faster connection?

TTFN.

P.S. My younger sister has just threatened to boycott me after seeing me type Ryan Kembara instead of Ryan...what's his name? I can't quite remember that guy's name because I always keep calling him Ryan Kembara. All I know is that he just broke up with that girl...oh well, who cares? He's always going to be known as Ryan Kembara to me ^_^

Am currently downloading Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children. Left the PC on the whole night and right now the poor thing is lagging like a piece of shit. Right now the movie is at 46% complete. Reviews and reminisence will come up once I get my hands on that movie. Hopefully it's today ^_^ Can't wait to watch that movie after two years of production and one year of delay.

TTFN.

I hate that phrase but unfortunately it's too true. Life does go on, with or without us and frankly, it doesn't give a damn. We're nothing more than specks of dust in the cosmic floorboard and if we're supposed to be swept away by the broom of life, then so be it.

Sounds kinda depressing doesn't it? Well...to tell you the truth, I'm just feeling kinda bored right now and I don't feel like writing the long post that I had originally planned so I decided to just pop in some kind of random musing over here ^_^

TTFN.

I actually wanted to write this piece yesterday but when I saw that geek article, I just went nuts and decided that my true posting of the day lay in that one so I postponed this one to today. Haha...I can't believe it...I actually have a post priority list...I have to slow down on this whole blog thingie otherwise I run out of bullshit to write about.

Anyways, time to get a little bit more serious.

We all wear masks, according to that shrink who was in the movie The Mask, who was trying to tell Jim Carrey's character that he was speaking metaphorically even though Carrey was talking about a literal mask. Of course, too bad we all don't have the Mask of Loki or even those cool masks that shoots out laser beams or telekinetic waves or mind control frequencies a la M.A.S.K.

This whole issues about metaphorical masks has been bothering me for a quite a while, actually because I have a tendency to use masks a lot. Makes me feel a little more comfortable and in some cases, much more courageous but the problem is this: are the masks that we put on in these situations facets of our personality or is they just some faux traits that we wear to establish ourselves in society?

Take for example the other day. I told her what I really felt about her but in a third person mask i.e. someone feels this way about you and well...it sort of worked...I think but I started having a huge guilt twinge about it because it felt like as though I lied to her. The mask helped, definitely in order for me to tell her what I felt but at the same time, I lied via omission of truth and I gave her some wrong ideas...so can that really be termed as help?

Hehehe...I think I screwed up big time...I think...Haha...

Masks...are they really necessary? Maybe they are because otherwise I wouldn't have the guts to say what I said. But on the other hand, are they worth the trouble?

Only God knows I guess.

TTFN.

I was reading one of the comics that I ordered and one of the articles inside (yes, some comics do have articles inside, especially the independent ones i.e. not afiliated with Marvel or DC) and it was all about how to nurture the inner geek that lives within.

Hahaha...I loved that article, since I'm a self-professed (and sometimes quite loudly too) geek. It's probably the one thing in my life that I can be quite proud about, even though there's plenty of people who says I should grow up and stop doing these things because these are stuff that only kids are allowed to do.

Hah. Tell that to the Japanese, whose otaku culture earns them an annual revenue of USD 4.5 billion. And most of the otaku, I might add, are in their fourties (at least from what I heard) and are definitely working professionals.

The thing is, I'm proud to be a geek, even if others are going to ostrasize me for choosing to be something that is different from them. Hell, if they're going to cut me off from all social norms, at least I know I can survive for a quite a while before I crack from lack of communication, but then I do know where I can find other fellow geeks ^_^

Long live the geeks of the world. At least we're happier than other people since we're doing the things that we enjoy doing instead of conforming to peer pressure.

TTFN.

Okay...not that I believe in zodiac signs or anything, but I think this is ridiculous. We spend years of our lives thinking that we were born under this sign only to have people come up with a new zodiac constellation and telling us, actually we're not under this sign but we're actually under another sign.

Hahaha. For those of you who believe in astrology, I wish you the best of luck trying to rearrange your life now. Get rid of your old zodiac sign and bring in the new one so that you're the 'real you'. Turn your life around. You're not who you used to be; you just had a personality change *rolling eyeballs now*

More silly things in life for me to laugh about, I guess ^_^ Oh and for those of you who don't know, the 13th zodiac is called Ophiuchus, the snake bearer. The sign looks like the sign which they use for doctors...you know the one that looks like a winged staff entwined by two snakes?

TTFN.

I been doing quite a bit of thinking in the two hours since my last posting (I blame it on the slight paranoia that exists in the back of my mind) and I wonder why do I even bother waiting? It's not like I even have anything wonderful to claim when I stop waiting, probably even more pain and heartache when the waiting ends.

Part of me thinks that it's because I'm too afraid to do anything more than just wait. I hate that bit, the coward within because that's the one part of me that stops me from doing a lot of things. I've done my fair bit of things, from appearing on tv, to stage acts, to stripping in front of my church people but those things seems easy compared with the reason for my waiting. Hah...

Another part of me recognises the futility in acting now and that sucks just as much as the waiting. The problem is it has to be done just right; if not I just screw up everything and that'll be just as bad or even worse...I think...

I hate this waiting. Worse of all, I hate my train of thoughts right now. Somehow I just get the feeling that all my waiting will be for nothing and I'm going nuts thinking that way. I need to do something and Diablo is definitely not the answer...

TTFN.

I remember clearly what I was doing that day when the two planes crashed into the World Trade Centre. It was the first time that I was watching Army of Darkness and I was having the time of my life. Right after that, I turned on the news and I caught a recording of a plane flying straight into a building.

"Woah...cool movie," was the first thing that popped out of my mouth.

The next day I found out what really happened.

It was a whole flurry of activities, words and accusations that was flying all over the place over the next couple of weeks. Even KLCC wasn't spared as it was hit by a hoax warning about a bomb right after the plane crash.

*sigh* It wasn't exactly a pretty sight then and even now, four years later, it still isn't a pretty one.

It's a funny thing, how the act of two planes crashing into two buildings can spark off two wars, an increase in apathy for the Americans (which blossomed into the current situation with New Orleans) and the Americans showing off just exactly how much grey cells they have in their brains after letting capitalism dictate their way of life.

But enough of American bashing. I didn't start this post to bash on the Americans on the anniversary of the day they were shown to be truly human for the second time in their history (Pearl Harbor being the first). September 11 is will be remembered as the day when for once, almost everywhere in the world was united in their sympathy for the losses suffered by many people and where myths of heroism returned back into the psyche of the human mind (remember the plane that crashed just outside of New York?). It was a day when the best and the worst of humanity manifested itself for all to see and a day when the proud was momentarily humble enough to say "Thank you for your concern".

Without the darkness of the night, we cannot appreciate the light of the day.

TTFN.

Okay...so we're going to Bali after all for the class trip despite earlier misgivings about it (all thanks forwarded to Puteri for not giving up) but now there's a slight problem, at least for me.

My passport has only one month left before it expires. Now that really really really sucks, which means I have to go and renew my passport after all. $#%$%^#$^#$%%$ and all that other jazz that most people do in other show their frustration about this. At least, it wouldn't talk such a long time to renew the passport. But still who wants to actually bother about this kind of thing? Me, I suppose, since I'll be going to Bali.

Talk about extreme annoyance...oh well, no can do about it, now can I?

TTFN.

This was the cave that she told me about; there was no doubt about it. I could tell just from the smell of blood that emanated from its foul depths. I took a deep breath before steeling my nerves and taking my first steps into the cave.

The hordes of imps that besieged me once I entered the cave reminded me of that of the rat swarm that had infested my village once, some twelve years ago. Dirty, red-eyed, sharp teeth that threatened diseases should they penetrate my skin and most importantly, cowardly. Each time my club splitted the skull of one, two would flee, giving time to collect my bearings and space for me to swing my club again. Fools...but fortunate for me, otherwise I would have died under their concentrated assault.

The wolf spirit within me snarled and growled in my mind, begging for me to unleash its fury upon the imps. And I decided to obliged it.

The imp that stood before me whimpered fearfully as my skull began to elongate and furs began to sprout all over my body. I grinned at it, a most unpleasant sight indeed, I would think, given that the Change is not yet complete. A moment later, the wolf and I are one and I am now its avatar, a furious meld of beast and man, ready to slay all things from hell and beyond.

I ripped through the horde of imps like lightning, my mouth bloodied and my claws covered with their entrails. One of their shamans tried to blast me with a bolt of fire, which I managed to dodge, although it singed the fur on my back. In return, I tore open its throat and gutted its eyes out.

But as I went deeper into the cave, my body began to ache. The wolf spirit's demand on my own spirit is more than what I can handle and the wolf, sensing my weakness, relinguished its hold on me. I fell to my knees and howled in pain as my body slowly reverted back to its normal human form.

But as I do so, I hear slow, shuffling footsteps in front of me and I look up. In the darkness ahead and with the wolf's senses slowly leaving me, I can bearly make out the outlines of several human figures, all walking with an unnatural stiffness and each making soft, moaning sounds as they shuffled towards me.

Zombies! I cursed my misfortune as I staggered back to my feet. The good news is that given some time, about several minutes or so, my spirit would have recovered enough strength for me to call upon the wolf spirit to share my body once more. But...do I have enough time for my spirit to recover itself?

There was only one thing for me to do: fight. So I fight.

The first swing of my club slammed against the side of the first zombie that approached and it stumbled slightly. I swung twice, thrice, each swing more vicious than the one before it, and the zombie fell to the ground, its rotten bones splintered in half and protuding from its decomposing skin.

One down, seven more to go, I had enough time to think this thought before the rest of the zombies befell me.

I remember pain from that fight. Dead hands reaching out to punch at me and broken teeth biting at my flesh. I swung back in retaliation but for the most part, I was on the defensive, trying my best not to expose any vital part of my body to the zombies. Two more fell to my club but the rest ignored their fallen comrades, swinging their fists and claws at me, hoping in their mindless ways to get past my guard and deal that one fatal blow.

Then, as the fight grew more desperate, I heard the wolf spirit within my mind once more: Fight! And I knew what to do then.

Once more the wolf spirit inhabited my body and I became a nigh unstoppable force of nature. Bloodless limbs were wrenched from their equally bloodless bodies and my mouth was filled with the sickly taste of undead flesh but it is a small price to pay for my life and their eternal rest...

Finally...after what seemed like an eternity to me, the last zombie fell to the ground, its limbs twitching as it returned at last to a peaceful death. My fur was stained with blood, my blood and I could feel fatigue setting in on my body despite the presence of the wolf spirit. But there was a silence in the cave, one that was not there since I first entered this heaven-forsaken place and I knew that the cave was cleansed of the evil within.

With a howl of satisfaction, the wolf spirit departed and I reverted back to my human form. It was time for me the return to the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye and for me to claim my reward. And that was what I did.

****

This story came to me after too much time spent playing Diablo 2. This one is based on one of my favourite builds, the Werewolf druid. Hoped you enjoyed it ^_^

TTFN.

We've all heard of a thousand songs that tell us that nothing is impossible, that we should always dream the impossible dream, to never say never and so on and so forth. While I have been fairly corrupted by Disney Channel (I can't help it...the cute chicks factor is there ^_^), I have never quite believed this part, even when Liverpool came back from 3-0 to beat AC Milan at the spot kicks (that was just pure luck I tell you. Liverpool will never keep the championship nor will they ever win it again ^_^).

Today, everything changes. The impossible is now possible. The unheard of has now happened. I will now keep a more open mind about this kind of things. Why? Because KDU owes me money.

Okay. It went something like this. First I went with Minh to the bank so that he could withdraw some money and so that we could pay off our dissertation fees. Then we went to the bursary. We went in to pay and the lady who was in charge of doing my payment suddenly declares that I don't owe them RM1500 (that's the tuition fees for the dissertation); instead I owe them RM1240.

"Huh?" I said.

So after that double take, a long show of my account with KDU and some tapping on the calculator, it was...explained to me that the college owes me RM260. My head is still swirling from the amount of explanation and figures that she showed me just to say that they owe me that amount.

Well, suffice to say, since I had written out RM1500 on my cheque, they're going to be bringing forward the balance that they owe me to next semester so that I don't have to pay KDU so much the next time round.

Hooray...I think...

TTFN.

There are many of those to tell, especially in my mind. A lot of them, if not all, are doomed to a story's death, to be forgotten in the inner recesses of my mind before they would ever come out to life. Others managed to make their way out into my conscious mind. 99% of these die before they reach their end, an even more miserable death because they would never know how they would end nor would I know how they would end.

Sometimes I wonder why are there stories in my mind, if they're just destined to die just like that. Some of them don't even make sense to me, much less the people who read them. Others are just plainly screwed up and there are plenty more that are just screwed. There is no point for me to write them if they just come up like that, so why so many stories?

More random writings will definitely pop up later since I'm not in a very clear state of mind right now. Maybe they might even be more wackier than this one.

TTFN.

Inspired by today's wind, which was howling like a bain sidhe today

****

The wind howled and in it, I could hear the voices of my brothers and sisters, mourning the loss of our father. I wish I could join them in the mourning too, but I have other...matters to attend to.

I stand at the edge of the cliff, staring at the wide horizon that lies before me. The sky is dark, as it should be, for someone great has passed on this day. The wind still carries the sorrow of my brethren with it and I can see that the forest below is still and silent, not a single sway of the leaves nor a leap of a spider.

Good. It seems that all were in mourning...

I hear the sound of footsteps behind me and I turn around. She stepped forward and stood next to me, her face as smooth as marble and just as expressionless. As I have expected from our mother.

"He is dead." It was not a question.

I nodded. I did not feel like telling Mother what has happened but I have to. "Yes...he is dead...the deed is done."

She nodded and then she sighed, a soft sigh that barely audible to the world. It was the only indication of the emotion she felt at that time and I wanted to weep when I heard it. "I know...I heard his voice when it happened. He was furious but at the same time, he knows that what is being done is the right thing. He cannot lead you anymore but he would not give his position up without a fight because it is in his nature," she said.

"Then...you would forgive us for doing what we did?"

"No...he was my husband and my lover. I cannot forgive you for what you have done to him."

I nodded. It was expected. "Then I would not beg for your forgiveness then. But I would ask that you come with me to my brothers and sisters so that we may mourn his death as a family for this final time," I said in my strongest voice.

She nodded. "That would be good. Yes...one last time together as family, then." She smiled at me, a smile that I remembered from my youth, one that was filled love for our family and happiness for the times that we shared together.

I smiled back before lifting my head up and howling into the wind. The wind will carry the message to my brethren, that for one last time, Mother will be with us and for one last time, we will be together as family.

And after that, we will howl to the wind in sorrow of our division from our Mother and the death of our Father. This will be our final time together and our sorrow shall know no bounds.

****

TTFN.

P.S. Do patch things up ok, you guys.

I was...'adviced' by Ker Shin last night to study for my midterm exam today so here's my timetable on what I did from that time (around 10.30 at night til the actual exam)

10.30 p.m. Watch 'The Cave'
12.00 a.m. Play Diablo 2
1.00 a.m. Sleep
8.00 a.m. Wake up
8.30 a.m. Went to college for Puteri's class
9.00 a.m. Class cancelled.
9.15 a.m. Went to Minh's place to pick him up and went to Indah dan Maju
10.30 a.m. Went to One Utama
11.40 a.m. Went to One Utama's furniture shop to look at jacuzzis
12.00 p.m. Went to One Utama's A&W to eat
12.30 p.m. Dropped Minh at home and went to college
12.50 p.m. Went to the lab to surf the net and play internet games
1.30 p.m. Went to Room 3.01 to wait for Kamril to come and give his exam
2.00 p.m. Gary, Nanda and Reza walked in and we started talking crap
2.30 p.m. The topic changed to sex
3.00 p.m. Still waiting for exam
3.30 p.m. Exam started
4.00 p.m. Exam finished

And there you have it. My method of preparing before my midterm exam ^_^ at least this year's one.

TTFN.

I've never really thought about this before...but have you ever noticed how much making a cupboard is just like having sex. Here's a few pointers:

1) You have to make sure the racks fit the frame
2) You'd want to put the screw into the hole so that you can screw the hole properly
3) If you can't screw the hole, you'd probably should hammer the screw into the hole
4) If you think the screw is a little too small for the hole, find a bigger screw
5) Sometimes, there are nuts which are connected to the screw

I can't think of anymore right now otherwise my mind will be filled up with the wrong things tonight, especially with the midterm going on tomorrow. But this reminds me of the nymphomaniac who took a walk in Bangkok and lucked out when she went into a construction yard, where she could see the erection of a tall building...

TTFN.

No, not that kind of proposal where drop to my knee, take out a diamond ring and ask the love of my life, "Will you marry me?" That won't happen to me, for say...at least another ten years. I'm talking about the proposal of my dissertation.

I finished it today (being Saturday, since I'm typing this at 12.30 a.m. so the blog recognises it as Sunday, instead) after about four hours of 'working' on it i.e. spent the first hour writing it, got bored, played Diablo 2 for the next two hours, and continued on the proposal on the fourth hour. I looked at it and I thought, 'This looks like a pretty decent proposal' and since some of the IMI people were online, I thought, 'Why don't I ask them for some opinions on my proposal?'

Big mistake. Not because of their opinions but because of the difference in standards. Mama grande sent me hers which was 11 pages and pretty much resembled what I would normally call the introduction of the dissertation, which she got a borderline B for it. That was scary...

Later, when I asked Minh about it, he said mine should be okay, since his proposal was the same length as mine and Papa Rod said that his is okay. So, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about it...for now, until I hand my proposal in to Papa Rod to check.

TTFN.

Haha...I forgot to blog yesterday. I guess I was too busy focusing on both Diablo 2 and the proposal for my dissertation to actually remember to post. A misstep in my blogging procedure. Oh well...no harm done I guess since I am more than capable of writing twice in one day.

BTW, I actually had the pleasure of meeting Nanda's new girlfriend yesterday. As usual when people meets strangers for the first time, she was rather quiet so I can't really comment much about her so I shall leave it be for now I suppose.

TTFN...at least until tonight that is ^_^

100 is usually considered a milestone for whatever a person does, whether it's a hundred goals scored, a hundred years lived, a hundred comics printed out, etc. It's also used to represent perfection a.k.a. 100 percent pure Australian beef, 100% for Dissertation (yeah right...), 100% pure bullshit, etc.

It's a magical number apparently, judging by our modern standards and I don't quite get it yet. I mean, sure, a hundred is fine but then there's that guy who scored 200 goals, that old lady who lived for 115 years, 100 comics printed means you've only been around for less than 9 years, bla bla bla bla bla. So what's the great significance about 100? How about a bigger number like 150, or1000 or maybe even 1 million. That looks so much cooler, now don't it?

Except for the fact that most of the time, we can barely achieve reaching a hundred most of the time, much less those numbers. That's why jubilees are held during the 25th, 50th and 60th year. It's too much to even think of hitting a hundred years. That's why people celebrate reaching a hundred as a milestone. Because it's so much easier to attain.

So here's to the 100th posting of this blog. May God give me the patience (and occasional insanity, of course ^_^) to reach 200 postings the next time around.

TTFN.