Life is meaningless. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Death makes everything that we work for pointless because in the end, we cannot take it with us to the other side. Success is invalidate, wealth is given down to our descendants who really don't give a shit about how hard we work for that money (honestly? who here actually cares that our great-grands work like crap just to earn enough money to make sure that we exist today?), fame is gone in an instant, earning our names in the history books means that future students will groan and curse us for doing the things that we did.

Hence my unspoken rule. Don't do things that you will regret. Take this blog for example. It's here, I used it to rant and express my anger and utter dislike for this world and its inhabitants in general. If I was specific, it means that I was really pissed off at that time. So no, I don't regret writing all this down. I don't care if I get called up to court one day for this. If that's how I felt in those days, then that's how I felt in those days. No apologies for my feelings and no apologies for my action.

Cynicism and unwarranted misanthropy has been my defining feelings these last couple of years. It's hard to care when you perceive everyone (including myself) to be jerks and then later have everything proven to you in one simple action. I know I'm a jerkass and I don't choose to deny it. It's always been there for people to see anyways.

I like to be alone. Friends and relationships are a luxury in my opinion. All that time for upkeep, money spent on hanging out and mindless chatter...the droning words...solitude is preferable. Alone in the dark where not a sound can be heard is peace, where the mind can rest from the babble of the crowd, the stifling curse of being with people soothed by the stillness of loneless. I hate being with people on a long term basis. Once in a while is nice...and that's it. All those voices from people talking is deafening and I still don't understand why people go on and on about how having friends is the most wonderful thing in the world.

I am a geek and proud of it. If I cannot be proud of who I am, then I am nobody. The desire to fit in with others always confuses me. It's like everyone wants to be faceless in the pot of stew that is humanity. Life is already meaningless as it is and choosing to be like someone else, to fit in with the crowd...is to me, the ultimate expression of meaningless.

I have always liked the same woman for the last six or so years. Is she really that worth it? I guess so...but I also believe that I'm just being selfish and lazy. It pleases me, tickles my sense of romance...and it means that I'm not going to bother moving on to other women, so that I don't have to sacrifice what I enjoy doing for the sake of companionship. Besides, if you're getting into a relationship for companionship, you're even more alone than I am, if you think that being with someone will ease you of that pain.

Everyone in this world is selfish. We all do things for ourselves. Even the most noble of acts performed is to please our sense of nobility. The most religious person in the world does it because s/he does not want to go to hell and suffer eternal damnation. But that's who we are.

I'm materialistic. I believe that this material world is more important than the spiritual. Not because the material world has nicer things like wealth and cars and condos and what nots, I've already said those things are meaningless. The material world is where I am at right now, and the present is more important than the future or the past because the moment right now is the only thing that we truly have. Carpe diem...

TTFN.